The Leadership Identity Crisis
Why Most Principals Are Playing Someone Else's Game
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And how to reclaim your authentic leadership voice before the school year starts
I received a text last week from a principal in Texas. She'd been at her school for three years, had decent test scores, and was generally well-regarded by her district office.
"Danny," she wrote, "I feel like I'm cosplaying as a principal. I know all the right things to say in meetings, I can run the building efficiently, but I don't recognize myself anymore. Is this what leadership is supposed to feel like?"
Her message hit me like a gut punch because I've heard variations of it from hundreds of school leaders over the past decade.
The Great Leadership Masquerade
Most principals aren't leading. They're performing.
They're performing the role of what they think a "good principal" should look like, based on:
What their district office expects
What their predecessor did
What they learned in their administrative certification program
What they see other "successful" principals doing
The result? An educational landscape filled with competent administrators who have completely lost touch with why they became educators in the first place.
But here's what's even more troubling: This identity crisis isn't just hurting the principals — it's creating schools that feel lifeless, bureaucratic, and disconnected from the very students they're meant to serve.
The Performance Trap
Last month, I was working with a principal who told me she spent 40 minutes every morning "getting into character" for the day. She'd review her talking points for meetings, practice her "principal voice," and mentally prepare to be the person her district expected her to be.
When I asked her what she really wanted to do differently at her school, her eyes lit up. She talked about project-based learning, student voice initiatives, and creating spaces where kids could tackle real-world problems.
"So why aren't you doing that?" I asked.
Her response? "That's not what principals do here."
And there it is …
The performance trap that's keeping thousands of school leaders stuck playing someone else's game.
The Cost of Borrowed Leadership
When principals operate from borrowed leadership identities, the costs compound:
For the Principal:
Chronic exhaustion from maintaining a facade
Imposter syndrome that never goes away
Career decisions based on what "looks good" rather than what creates impact
A growing disconnect between personal values and professional actions
For the School:
Initiatives that feel forced and inauthentic
Staff who sense their leader isn't fully present or genuine
Students who experience school as something that happens to them rather than with them
A culture of compliance rather than innovation
For Education:
Perpetuation of systems that everyone knows aren't working
Risk-averse leadership that maintains status quo
Missed opportunities to reimagine what school could be
The August Opportunity
Here's why August matters more than any other month for school leaders:
While everyone else is focused on logistics — schedules, supply orders, staff meetings about procedures — there's a unique window to step back and ask the deeper questions:
Who am I as a leader when nobody's watching?
What do I actually believe about learning, kids, and education?
If I could design my leadership from scratch, what would it look like?
What shifts could I make that would actually excite me to come to work?
Most principals spend August in reactive mode, responding to the urgent demands of starting school. But the principals who create legendary campus experiences? They use August differently.
They use it to get clear. To align. To design their leadership rather than inherit it.
The Three Leadership Games
In my work with school leaders, I've noticed there are really only three games being played:
Game 1: The District Game
Players try to check all the boxes, avoid making waves, and climb the central office ladder. Success is measured by compliance and conventional metrics.
Game 2: The Comparison Game
Players constantly measure themselves against other principals, chasing awards, recognition, and the appearance of success. They're always one step behind the latest trend.
Game 3: Your Game
Players operate from their authentic values, design their leadership intentionally, and create schools that reflect their genuine vision for what education could be.
The principals creating the most meaningful impact …
The ones whose students remember them decades later, whose staff would follow them anywhere …
They're all playing Game 3.
What "Playing Your Game" Actually Looks Like
Last year, I worked with a principal we’ll call Marcus who was drowning in the performance trap. He was doing everything "right" but felt completely disconnected from his work.
During our first conversation, I asked him: "If you could wave a magic wand and change one thing about how school works, what would it be?"
Without hesitation, he said: "I'd make it so every kid felt like they belonged somewhere on our campus."
That became his North Star. Not test scores, not district initiatives, not what other schools were doing. Just that simple, clear vision of belonging.
Over the next year, Marcus redesigned everything through that lens:
How they handled discipline (restorative rather than punitive).
How they structured the school day (more time for relationships).
How they measured success (student surveys alongside test data).
How they made decisions (always asking "does this increase belonging?").
The results?
Their state test scores actually improved, but more importantly, Marcus started loving his job again. His staff noticed. The students noticed. The whole energy of the building shifted.
Marcus wasn't following someone else's playbook. He was writing his own.
The Reset Moment
If you're reading this and thinking "I need to get back to why I became an educator," you're not alone.
The good news?
August is the perfect time for a leadership reset. Not because you need to throw everything out and start over, but because you need to reconnect with the leader you actually are underneath all the performance.
This isn't about becoming a different person. It's about becoming more yourself.
The Path Forward
Here's what I know after coaching hundreds of school leaders:
The principals who create legendary impact don't follow the standard playbook. They write their own.
They start with clarity about who they are and what they believe. They design their leadership intentionally rather than accidentally. And they build schools that reflect their authentic vision for what education could be.
This work can't be done in stolen moments between meetings or during rushed summer planning sessions. It requires intentional space, focused thinking, and often the support of other leaders who are on the same journey.
Your Next Move
If you're tired of playing someone else's leadership game and ready to design your own, I want to help.
This August, I'm running an exclusive 8-week leadership reset program called "Play Your Game" for a small group of visionary school leaders who are ready to stop performing and start leading authentically.
Best of all … you can get started for just $50.
Over 8 weeks, we'll help you:
Identify and align with your authentic leadership values
Design a leadership operating system that works for YOU
Create shifts on your campus worth rallying around
Build sustainable rhythms that fuel your work instead of draining you
Start the school year clear, confident, and fully aligned
This isn't another program teaching you how to be a better administrator. This is about helping you become the leader you actually are underneath all the performance.
Want to learn more?
Comment "PLAY MY GAME" on this post. I’ll message you details via DM.
The program starts August 14th, and there are only 35 spots available for this cohort. Next cohort the price will increase.
Premium subscribers: Check the subscriber chat for an exclusive discount code for this program as a THANK YOU for being a premium subscriber.
Remember: The students in your building deserve a leader who knows exactly why they're there and what they're building. They deserve the real you, not a performance.
The question is: Are you ready to give that to them?
Play My Game
Play my game