Secretary Of Education Announces WrestleEd™: Teachers Must Defend Policy Changes In Steel Cage Matches

"Because if we're not throwing chairs, are we even learning?"

In a move described by critics as both "bold" and "deeply avoidable," the Secretary of Education today unveiled a sweeping national reform effort based entirely on the theatrical principles of professional wrestling.

Dubbed WrestleEd™, the initiative promises to replace traditional teaching models with scripted conflict, costume changes, and choreographe…