Ghost of John Dewey Suspended After Suggesting Students Should Think for Themselves
The system responds: Students think what we tell 'em to think ...
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Washington D.C. — Chaos erupted at John Hattie High School this week after the ghost of legendary education reformer John Dewey was suspended without pay for making “unauthorized philosophical suggestions” during a district-mandated “Learning Acceleration Jam Session.”
Eyewitnesses say the haunting began just after lunch, during a breakout session titled “Maximizing Instructional Minutes Through Total Staff Surveillance.” As the room recited the district’s Academic Proficiency Pledge™ in unison, the overhead projector sputtered, the SmartBoard blinked, and the faint echo of a ghostly voice murmured:
“What if students learned by doing?”
Several attendees reportedly fainted. One Title I coordinator was hospitalized after attempting to shield her ears with a printed pacing guide. The session facilitator immediately called an emergency “Tier 3 Admin Intervention.”
District safety officers — dressed in emergency-response lanyards — arrived within minutes to escort the vaporous figure into a nearby isolation room, where he was asked to complete a root-cause analysis using the Fishbone Diagram. When Dewey refused to rank his pedagogical beliefs using a color-coded Likert scale, things escalated.
“His aura wasn’t even aligned to our Portrait of a Graduate,” whispered Assistant Superintendent Lyle D’Angelo. “And when we asked if he was ‘fidelity-aligned,’ he just quoted Experience and Education and tried to hand us a seed packet.”
According to official reports, the ghost was suspended for:
“Promoting unapproved inquiry”
“Sabotaging normed walkthrough language”
“Failing to post a daily objective in student-friendly language visible from all quadrants of the room”
The final straw came when Dewey asked a 3rd grader what they wanted to learn. Security was called immediately.
In a statement released via spirit box, Dewey said:
“Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself. Also, your obsession with data is a cry for help.”
District leaders insist they remain “student-centered,” as long as students remain seated, silent, and sorted by color groups named after extinct birds.
Dewey’s hearing is scheduled for next Tuesday. He will represent himself using only Socratic questioning and interpretive dance.
🧨 Ruckus Roll Credits™
There are errors in this article. Historical inaccuracies. Pedagogical blasphemy. Ghost-related HR violations.
If you're the kind of principal who laminates your bell schedule, this whole piece should be reported to the district's Paranormal Oversight Committee.
But if you’ve ever said “maybe school shouldn’t feel like a factory,”
or quietly rebelled by letting students talk during lunch ...
Then congratulations 🥳
You’ve unlocked a Level 7 Inquiry Badge and have been granted access to the forbidden wing of the library, where Dewey’s ghost now hosts office hours.
The author of this article:
Was banned from PD for using Mad Libs to rewrite the Danielson Framework …
Was last seen wandering a curriculum night in a “Constructivism or Bust” T-shirt …
Tried to unionize the student council …
Once staged a walkout when a PLC agenda reached 17 pages …
Considers “bell curve grading” a hate crime …
And once got detention in their own school for asking too many “why” questions …
This message will self-differentiate in 5... 4... 3…
🚨 Reminder: The next faculty meeting will be held in a spirit realm and facilitated by holographic Carl Jung. Please bring a charged Chromebook and your unresolved childhood trauma.
Here’s what we leave you with:
Amelia Earhart may have gone missing looking for a growth mindset
Shakespeare never wrote lesson plans
And somewhere, deep in an abandoned teacher’s lounge, Dewey’s ghost is still writing his sub plans in pencil. On purpose.
Everything is the way it is ...
… because a Ruckus Maker like you asked,
“Wait, what if we didn’t do it that way anymore?”
Keep Making a Ruckus,
Published by Ruckus Makers — a semi-haunted division of Better Leaders Better Schools, known for replacing PD with seances and spreadsheets with soul.
💀 Sponsored by Professional Development for the Undead™ — now with 100% less slide decks and 3.5 CEUs in posthumous pedagogy.
🧢 What’s the deal with these red hats? [Spoiler: They summon Dewey.]