Ghost of John Dewey Suspended After Suggesting Students Should Think for Themselves
The system responds: Students think what we tell 'em to think ...
π Welcome to a π free edition π of Ruckus Makers β the newsletter for bold school leaders who Do School Different. Each week we drop fresh content across our signature styles:
The Reframe β Mindset shifts in 90-seconds.
Dot AI β Supercharged leadership prompts and custom gpts
MEH β The Onion meets Education. What could go wrong?
First in Line β Exclusive access to content before the bookshelf.
The Automatic School β A system that moves you FROM bottleneck TO breakthrough
π‘Premium subscribers get access to custom GPTs, full archives, advanced tools, and Digital Danny β your AI-powered coach. Upgrade here.
Washington D.C. β Chaos erupted at John Hattie High School this week after the ghost of legendary education reformer John Dewey was suspended without pay for making βunauthorized philosophical suggestionsβ during a district-mandated βLearning Acceleration Jam Session.β
Eyewitnesses say the haunting began just after lunch, during a breakout session titled βMaximizing Instructional Minutes Through Total Staff Surveillance.β As the room recited the districtβs Academic Proficiency Pledgeβ’ in unison, the overhead projector sputtered, the SmartBoard blinked, and the faint echo of a ghostly voice murmured:
βWhat if students learned by doing?β
Several attendees reportedly fainted. One Title I coordinator was hospitalized after attempting to shield her ears with a printed pacing guide. The session facilitator immediately called an emergency βTier 3 Admin Intervention.β
District safety officers β dressed in emergency-response lanyards β arrived within minutes to escort the vaporous figure into a nearby isolation room, where he was asked to complete a root-cause analysis using the Fishbone Diagram. When Dewey refused to rank his pedagogical beliefs using a color-coded Likert scale, things escalated.
βHis aura wasnβt even aligned to our Portrait of a Graduate,β whispered Assistant Superintendent Lyle DβAngelo. βAnd when we asked if he was βfidelity-aligned,β he just quoted Experience and Education and tried to hand us a seed packet.β
According to official reports, the ghost was suspended for:
βPromoting unapproved inquiryβ
βSabotaging normed walkthrough languageβ
βFailing to post a daily objective in student-friendly language visible from all quadrants of the roomβ
The final straw came when Dewey asked a 3rd grader what they wanted to learn. Security was called immediately.
In a statement released via spirit box, Dewey said:
βEducation is not preparation for life; education is life itself. Also, your obsession with data is a cry for help.β
District leaders insist they remain βstudent-centered,β as long as students remain seated, silent, and sorted by color groups named after extinct birds.
Deweyβs hearing is scheduled for next Tuesday. He will represent himself using only Socratic questioning and interpretive dance.
𧨠Ruckus Roll Creditsβ’
There are errors in this article. Historical inaccuracies. Pedagogical blasphemy. Ghost-related HR violations.
If you're the kind of principal who laminates your bell schedule, this whole piece should be reported to the district's Paranormal Oversight Committee.
But if youβve ever said βmaybe school shouldnβt feel like a factory,β
or quietly rebelled by letting students talk during lunch ...
Then congratulations π₯³
Youβve unlocked a Level 7 Inquiry Badge and have been granted access to the forbidden wing of the library, where Deweyβs ghost now hosts office hours.
The author of this article:
Was banned from PD for using Mad Libs to rewrite the Danielson Framework β¦
Was last seen wandering a curriculum night in a βConstructivism or Bustβ T-shirt β¦
Tried to unionize the student council β¦
Once staged a walkout when a PLC agenda reached 17 pages β¦
Considers βbell curve gradingβ a hate crime β¦
And once got detention in their own school for asking too many βwhyβ questions β¦
This message will self-differentiate in 5... 4... 3β¦
π¨ Reminder: The next faculty meeting will be held in a spirit realm and facilitated by holographic Carl Jung. Please bring a charged Chromebook and your unresolved childhood trauma.
Hereβs what we leave you with:
Amelia Earhart may have gone missing looking for a growth mindset
Shakespeare never wrote lesson plans
And somewhere, deep in an abandoned teacherβs lounge, Deweyβs ghost is still writing his sub plans in pencil. On purpose.
Everything is the way it is ...
β¦ because a Ruckus Maker like you asked,
βWait, what if we didnβt do it that way anymore?β
Keep Making a Ruckus,
Published by Ruckus Makers β a semi-haunted division of Better Leaders Better Schools, known for replacing PD with seances and spreadsheets with soul.
π Sponsored by Professional Development for the Undeadβ’ β now with 100% less slide decks and 3.5 CEUs in posthumous pedagogy.
π§’ Whatβs the deal with these red hats? [Spoiler: They summon Dewey.]